All I want to is to be thin. I just want to be thin, and then die...

I have stop drinking my nutridrink, and started with a fast today. I’m gonna reach my goal, and my goal is to die. I just want to end this endless torture. I can’t be healthy anyway, so why can’t I just die now. I guess I’ll never pass 25 anyway.

I won’t se my doctor anymore. She just tries to “heal” me, and we both know that that is impossible. I can never get a “normal” life again. This illness has been my life for over 6 years now, and I’m sure it will kill me too.

I’m so pessimistic today, and I have been like this for some weeks now.

I have one goal this summer, and that is to be less than 70 pounds, but it are going to be so hard, cause I’m going on vacation with a friend, and I have promised her to eat. FUCK! So I don’t know how this is going to end.

Take care!

before - after

© Nemi 2002/2003